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Is your date or partner racist? Does she/he have a tendency to make racist comments, generalizations? How would you address it?
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Kurt, what you just stated is called "reverse racism." I take offense at the fact that you paint all caucasians with such a broad brush. We are not all racist bigots waiting to make a racist comment. You have a very narrow view of the world.
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  1. more than a month ago
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I have to agree with this poster. I'm not White so I can say this. that's just the way they are (Americans of European ancestry). Not only were they responsible for most modern genocides (Native Americans, Blacks, etc.) and colonialism of the past, but they greatly contributed to the current social problems we all have. I do believe that different races should remain distinct & separate (I'm Asian, if that matters) because we all have TOO many differences to overcome. I'm not liberal and, sorry to say, a multiracial society like the US, Australia, and increasingly Western Europe cannot function cohesively beause of all the social problems underlying the mixing of races, cultures, faiths. The myth of the American will always REMAIN a myth- there is NO true American, unless you want to exclusively call those whites as such since they stole the land from Native Americans and murdered them. Racism will FOREVER be a problem for this country, and the days for the US are numbered. But a word of caution- to all people of color who regularly date Caucasians, beware! They are an unscrupulous race, and as soon as they let down their hair around you, they will slip and make racist comments, jokes, etc. Those people LOVE to force their ways on others, especially under the guise of freedom and democracy. And to those whites who exclusively date a certain race because of their own fetishes-pathologies, cut the crap- it's no wonder you can't have a successful relationship with anyone. I've gotten a few complaints from whites who say that latins, blacks, asians don't like them or don't want relations with them. And I usually tell them it's because YOU people will never get it. You cannot force your ways onto another person and make fun of their culture. I know because it has happened (once with that italian from boston. He bitched that no Asians/Hispanics wanted a relationship with him, and then he ridiculed his own sister for marrying a Chinese dude and fussed over the fact that people like him were unwelcome in K-town and that he hated the way Asians drove- too many other stereotypes from him abound. So why did he eagerly tell his friends- who paged him during our first meeting- about me yet make me feel crappy at the restaurant. Sorry about bitching, but examples like this should go to show you that colored people and the white folk ESPECIALLY do not mix (I've learned my lesson). Some of those people will go so far as to behave in an inappropriate manner in a different social setting (think of that occasional, lone, loudmouth, rude whiteface who tags along with their asian 'friends' in China-Korea-Japan town). Those people behave with utter disregard and consideration of others. Anyway, sexual racism is unfortunately a byproduct of this society. And if I sound like I mildly dislike Caucasians, so be it.
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  1. more than a month ago
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thanks BK, but unfortunately I've run into too many a-holes. by the way, I'm not african-american (if that makes any difference)
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"It's in their blood?" How much more rascist can you get than that statement?
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It's "in the blood eh?" I'm sorry you feel this way regarding white men. Obviously your personal experiences have given you this awful and bitter societal view. I know the type of men you have in mind, sid, but just try to take my opinion that those type of white men are just A-holes. There are a lot of A-holes in the world, unfortunately. And since there are more white people in the U.S. than black people, it makes sense, that we will have more white A-holes as well. I'm not going to be able to convince you to change your clearly deep rooted bitterness, but perhaps maybe you could have some faith that every white man who may be interested in dating black men is not a jokey, closet-racist A-hole.
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hey JJ, i'd have to agree with you there. like i said, it's in their blood. i've gone to extremes (putting their race down excessively, etc.) & all it does is create more accusations & 'hypersensitivity' on his part. so a part of it is comfort level (in dealing with a person from another race), but the greater part is generated by the other party (the cracker). those people have racial isues which they need to deal with, but don't know how to do so in an appropriate setting. bet a white person wouldn't even respond to this post in a constructive manner. i bet you!
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One of the most annoying things about dating white men are the inevitable racist "jokes" and "kidding around" they engage in. Though I'm not sure if there's really a right way to deal with it short of the obvious extremes: calling it off or accepting the behavior as part of the whole package. Whether an intervention works or not depends on the individual. Saying it's inappropriate might result in little more than a dismissive shrug or worse (his turning around to accuse you of being "too sensitive" or "censorship";). Likewise, retaliatory "jokes" might lead to long term mutual hostility. I would do what I thought was appropriate regardless, but don't expect too much in terms of progress.
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for the most part, I don't think people of different races should date, much less marry. I speak from experience- I have dated others (Whites, Blacks & Hispanics) & found that it's impossible to reach the same comfort level that you do with one of your own. It's especially apparent when a person of Color dates a White- unfortunately Caucasians have a tendency to make racist remarks-comments under the guise of a joke or a single observation (it's in their blood). Also, the issue of cultural differences in terms of thought patterns, way of living, perception, food, etc. are just too much to overcome, unless one person (the person of Color) gives up their cultural-racial identity. Not to be racist (although many of you may think that I am), but I don't think multiculturalism really works in the long run. Just my take.
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Thanks Tom. I guess it's easy for everyone to make prejudiced judgments based on a few bad experiences, but being able to discuss such feelings in a respectful, non-ridiculing manner is important. Like you said, a person who continually makes racist generalizations is unworthy to be a partner. I had such an experience just over a month ago. Just because he has a token Chinese brother-in-law he thought he should put his 2 cents in and attack Koreans (specifically their language and the fact that many of them aren't tall- as if they had any control over that); his problems stemmed from the fact that he had a difficult time working in Koreatown. Anyway, he wondered why I was seething throughout the whole affair & refused to comprehend. Live and learn, I guess. Thanks
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Everybody has "racist" or prejudiced thoughts at one time or another - the test of our character depends on whether or not we act on them or display them in a non-respectful way. When your partner makes such an observation, calmly and simply say you don't appreciate it and would request he keep it to himself. If it continues you may want to take a look at him/her more closely - do you want this type of person for a partner? Good luck...Tom
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